... we were fed in a house of God

Not something one does every day, so definitely worth a blog post.

This is where D and I went for dinner tonight:





Yes, a converted church. So I guess you could say we really did eat the body of Christ in the microbrewery and restaurant.

We had a great vegetable soup and then our entrees arrived. D had a lamb chop and I had a grilled salmon special. Disappointing. But luckily the ambience was great and because I had never eaten in a house of God I was still really impressed. I've heard that lunch is usually better at the Church Brew House than dinner.

Oh well, praise Jesus I got to eat there.

... she ran her little heart out

My kid sister has a kid girl and this gem of a kid girl is in the grade just before Grade 1 at the very same primary school my kid sister and I both went to.

Anyway, the cheeky, opinionated 5-year tot had her sports day the other day. She ran her little heart out and came second. Second is good. It's better than last. But this is her with the blond pony tail and long sleeve shirt (remember, it's winter down in deepest darkest Africa).

Run kid girl, run. Run like the wind. Run like the boogey man is chasing you!

You make Uncle REJ very, very proud.

... it was Skank-O-Rama on TV

Yes, this is Daisy

As most of you know, I have trouble sleeping. Not quite as fun as say Guillain-Barré syndrome, but still.

So there I was at 3:30am this morning with my eyes glued to the TV as I flipped channels. Eventually, I found one. It was a reality-type show (like practically everything on TV because apparently our own lives are so devoid of any excitement that we need to watch other people's lives in order to experience life) called "Daisy of Love".

It stars Daisy, a most unfortunate looking 'lady' with bleach-blond locks and a pair of air bags attached to her chest. And Daisy, ladies and gentlemen, is looking for love. She's had enough of the one night stands and annoying STDs. Now she hopes to find her one true love.

And she hopes to find it with one of these fine gentlemen.




Only thing is, I wonder how many of these 'fine gentlemen' know that Daisy has been dishing out her 'petal' to everyone in the house.

Good luck to you, Daisy.

... of course it was French sounding

So my friend in the hospital was finally diagnosed. Turns out he has something called Guillain-Barré syndrome - a wonderful little disorder in which the body's immune system attacks part of the peripheral nervous system. Now doesn't that just sound pleasant. Pleasant like a run on the beach on a sunny day.

Whatever happened to those exotic, fun diseases, like scurvy and the plague? Now there's diseases that attack the myelin sheath? These diseases are getting way too smart. They need to be flunked. Now. Enough already.

... I take my friend to the emergency room

No wailing sirens, no flashing lights. But it was an ER visit, nonetheless.

We went to St. Clair Hospital where they pride themselves on being fastER, nicER, quickER (get it, all the ERs, as in Emergency Room?). Kudos to them for having the only ER that doesn't look like an ER. Instead, it looks like the lobby of a 3 or 4 star hotel.

So in goes my friend and he explains to the patient doc how he has had pain in his shoulders, tingling in his feet and hands, and some slight facial paralysis. They drew some blood - as they normally do - for tests. Then they made him climb into one of those embarrassing hospital gowns, you the kind that are gaping open at the back so you can flash your ass to the world. Then they stuck a HUGE ass needle into his spine to draw fluid. He said it didn't hurt but I know he's lying. Someone jabs something long and pointy into your spine, it's gonna hurt.

Anyway, long story short, turns out he has this nerve thing that in rare cases could leave him paralyzed and on a ventilator. Now that's enough to make even Arnie Schwarzenneger pee his pants. So they're admitting him and having him see the Neurologist in the morning. Scary shit, I tell ya.

Will keep you updated.

... the light was one but no-one was home

Have you ever downloaded an app onto your phone, it shuts down to restart and then ... it doesn't start again.

I did this deed yesterday. It was an update app to make my BlackBerry work faster. So much for that. It shut down and the little red light on the top right of the phone blinked but the phone had died.

So today I took it to the BlackBerry doctor where he poked and prodded and eventually delivered the bad news. My phone had picked up a virus and died. And there is no coming back from the dead.

The BlackBerry handed me a brand new shiny phone. But alas, all the names and numbers and naughty pictures in my phone had died with it, so I spent tonight re-entering the names and numbers.

Don't let this killer phone virus hit your phone.

... I headed off to Pride in the Street

It was the most bizarre thing. Pittsburgh is a rough and rugged city. Its people - known as Pittsburghers - are hard-working folk descended from steel workers. So it came as a surprise when I learned that Pittsburgh - America's Steel City - held its annual Pride in the Street.

You know, gay men, lesbian women and all those in between.

They were all dancing and drinking in the street. Not exactly IN the street, but rather ON it. Oh hell, you know what I mean. Anyway, people from all walks of life were there. There were straight people who were curious to see what an old gray-haired man dressed in leather looked like. There were young boys dressed in speedos and sneakers with flashing lights by their private parts. There was confetti, there was a stage, there was music.

And there were porta potties. These are always wonderful thinks of rank proportions floating on rivers of urine. Gotta love it.

I ended up going into a bar with some friends and chatting to a guy who is originally from Syria. He introduced me to his girlfriend and ten minutes later he was passed out on a leather sofa. We think someone ruffied the poor straight guy so a few of us had to pick up this passed out guy and carry him through the club, down the stairs, along the street and to his girlfriend's car.

Now let me tell you, a passed out guy is NOT an easy thing to carry. Think of a giant, heavy, wobbling mound of jelly. And that's what it's like. Arms and legs everywhere. You ask him to pick his head up. No reply.

Not fun, I tell ya.

... things move slower than a snail

Sometimes things don't go as planned. And that's okay. Just imagine how boring life would be then.

But once, just once I'd like something to go right. Like this job offer I received from a saltmine out in the Middle East. It's one hiccup after another. First they want my college diploma. And I don't have it. It's neatly gathering dust folded away in a box in the basement of my fraternity house, in Virginia! Glitch #1.

Now they want passport-sized photos with a blue background. It MUST be blue! In Pittsburgh, that's like demanding street tar with your martini. Glitch #2.

I'm wondering if I'll ever get to board a plan to the Land of Sand.

And if it doesn't come to pass, then so be it. I shall just scratch my head in wonderment.

Let's see.

... People Talk About Halitosis

A good friend mine, out there in the most beautiful city in the world, insisted with much heated insistence that I listen to the streaming online version of 702 Talk Radio.

In this online broadcast, a South African doctor was talking to a caller about his bad breath. The doc went on to explain how HALI-TOSIS is a disease of the mouth that cause "germs of the bad brith" and that this caller might want to be obsessive about his oral hygiene. In his most wonderful Sith Ifrikin accent, the doc told the listener that he might want to consider brushing his teeth 4, 5 even 6 times.

What an embarrassing thing to talk about, never mind have.

Imagine sitting opposite a beauty at a table, you open your mouth to tell her how beautiful her eyes are and suddenly they grow into huge circles as their face turns green as your breath makes them pass out. Unfortunate.

Next topic on the 702 Talk of Medical Shame? Piles with intermittent bleeding.

Thanks WRM for that gem of a thing to listen to.

... I took a mini cruise around Pittsburgh

Not many people know this, but Pittsburgh is surrounded by three rivers. No oceans. Just rivers. And on Saturday I hopped on a small cruise boat which takes people around the city on all three rivers.

Thoroughly enjoyed it. Take a look.