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Another week, another volcanic eruption in Iceland.
I was speaking to a friend yesterday about this beautiful puff of smoke up there on the very top of the world and he asked how we pissed off Mother Nature so badly as to have random tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, landslides, and extreme seasons.
My only thought to appease this Mother Nature person is to sacrifice a virgin by tossing her into the volcano. Only problem is, this is 2011. Where do you find a virgin?
Question: Why is everyone so obsessed with the apocolypse, or armageddon? They say the world will end tomorrow. It was also supposed to end in 2000. And according to those smart Mayan folk, you have until the 21st of December 2012 to get all your Sodom and Gomorrah desires dealt with.
I've got too much going on to even think about. If it ends, it ends. Am I supposed to plan for it? Make provisions by stock-piling cans of beans and soup in my basement? Should I try escape it? What fun would that be? Imagine it for a minute, you're the sole survivor of the apocolypse. You crawl out of your bunker like a squirrel crawls out of its' tree hole at the end of winter only to find...nothing. If it's the end of the world, there's nothing. No trees, no Rite Aids, no gas stations, no McDonald's. Just nothingness.
Heaven? Hell? Yowza, this is getting to deep for me. Let's see what The Onion has to say.
Sick men are like babies. Scratch that. Sick men ARE babies. A persistent fever of 103 never killed anyone, geez. Suck it up. But either way, I decided that should I survive this douse of bubonic plague, I was going to go coffin shopping. It's kinda like shoe shopping, but it's not.
So I shopped around. This is the type of casket I want. Very smart. This is the corpse carriage I want our Lord and Saviour to see me in when She greets me at the pearly gates. Very smart, it makes a smacking statement.
Then I looked in my wallet and realized this is probably all I could afford - a d-i-y version of a pine box. Pffffff. Just throw me in an oven. I probably wouldn't even feel the heat given my persistent fever of 103.
